This morning I read creator, Lutze Segu’s post that begins with this soaring salutation (in caption; image is my own):
The post by Lutze Segu, the Social Justice Doula (here on Patreon) is more open & fair-to-self than I might manage. These are very different spaces but I deeply felt transparency offered about a shift in content production.
Fog has something to do with it
Quite like SJD, I have very complicated feelings about a writing gap for the blog. The massive change on TKK has been due to mundane factors – newsletters are blogs now & I ceded keyboard time to Ty.
The evergreen parenting advice of Pick Your Battles meant that Ty could gain some independence, and I could simply build homeschool from scratch with less programming than I hoped for to put it mildly. Luckily, that worked out.
Has it been as clear-eyed as all that? No. No, it has not.
Fortunately, the crafts have continued to flex. Subject matter is in no short supply. As many are finding out, working with your hands is bilateral brain happiness. I have a good skill-set to draw from & develop.
Clarity is hard-won
The need to decompress from the various roles, pressures has opened an unexpected spiritual journey. A long stretch of that was with an ordained teacher. One day my teacher confided to my unending surprise:
What am I even doing here? Why am I not in New York working with a lot of people?
The privilege has been space & stability to go deep enough on a journey like that. Of course you can gain clarity and still be in the proverbial weeds. That is how I came up to the 2021 holidays, the winter of Ottawa protests, and the “no breaks in years” fatigue.
Somehow, and with support, I grew to really love the rhythm we built for learning & downtime. There are still flashpoints, triggers. The real lesson was to protect my energy, and keep creating.
When I kept the sense gates clear it got much less lonely. Friends from my old knit night days have kept in touch, shown a lot of kindness from their own busy lives. KL, your surprise drop-off still makes me smile. SC, your offer is accepted with gratitude. SH, now out of the area has been present & the list goes forward.
To keep creating
How do you keep creating? I stopped trying to explain the contours of my life to the same loved ones. In 6+ years the ones who ask how we are, drop everything to be around Ty in this part of his life are alongside us. They embrace him, and our little family.
It took a debacle last Christmas to see that interest sometimes is just gawking, especially in family. I am not sure why the previous debacles were not enough! Now I am less super Mom & more a porter at the gate, welcoming.
Welcome back, friends.
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